Inspiring Ignatius Quote #13

Oh my! As a life-long procrastinator, my head wants to explode with all the reasons why this is NOT a good idea! Tomorrow will be just fine, soon enough, thank you. But, as a new business owner, I am learning great wisdom in this practice. There was another Ignatian quote I was going to use for today, but it is actually just an expansion on this thought, so I won’t wait until tomorrow to post it: “So you lay your affairs aside till next month or next year? Why, where do you get your confidence that you will live so long?” Ouch!

My mom had a saying that used to irritate me something awful: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She tried to assure me it was as much a reminder to herself as to me, but we often had discussions about what we intended to get done versus what we actually got done. Many years have passed since I had to admit that I was a bit of a procrastinator. And I can give you all sorts of reasons why I would put something off, and how there were actually times when it was a blessing that ‘I never got around to that’. But, I think what Ignatius is trying to convey, is that we are never promised ‘tomorrow’. We are not even promised the next minute! Each breath is blessing that God is not done with us yet.

I am keeping an eye out on my soon-to-be 90 year-old father, who was suddenly widowed a few years ago, and who has not yet gotten over his beloved of 63 1/2 years not being here. I now live in the same home they did for the past nearly 40 years, and am helping him from time-to-time, with odd jobs around the house that mom used to help him with. While growing up, I had four brothers, so his time was stretched between a full-time job, and getting his college degree in the evenings, plus being a Scout leader and all-around repair guy (house and bikes for 6 kids!), he really didn’t spend much time with me . . . I was much closer to my mom. Now as a full-blown adult, (and the only person in his ‘circle’ right now), he is beginning to see that I am able and capable of much more than he thought! I think he thinks it’s incredulous that I owned my own home for 10 years, with NOONE else to help me, while I was in grad school! I have to remind him that I had a riding mower and 2 acres to tend to! 15’ ceilings in which to replace lightbulbs and smoke detector batteries! He looks at me with such surprise, but I’m not sure the reality even registers. Until the other day.

A fluorescent light went out in the kitchen, and he struggled for quite some trying to get the fixture off to replace the bulbs, but was unsuccessful. So, I offered to give it a try. This was met with a sarcastic, “Sure, go ahead.” (Like that’ll never happen! If I couldn’t do it, she surely can’t!) One push up and the fixture came off! Oh dear. I was afraid I’d insulted him or made him feel bad, but I accomplished what he could not, and what needed to be done! I also learned we needed to get new ballasts. I asked him if he would teach me how to replace them, since it was likely it was going to happen again. He did not answer. (While he is nearly deaf, I never know if he truly hears me or not?) Any way, I felt I needed to address this because he seemed defeated(?), just one more diminishment made manifest. I realllly wanted to put this off, but I felt it was important to say, now. I told him, “Dad, there’s a 50/50 chance that I could “go” before you. I’m not trying to make you feel unneeded - in fact, I have no idea how to replace a ballast! But living here, I do feel I have a responsibility to chip in and help with repairs, in addition to ‘girl chores’.” He kind of smirked. “Ok.” That was enough to know that for now, all was well. I’m glad I didn’t put that off. If he had gone to bed and not woken up in the morning, I can assure you, the first thought that would come to mind, is that it was my fault . . . he died of me embarrassing him.

We are not promised ANY time beyond this very moment, so we must ensure we leave nothing (little?) undone. We tend to think we will just live forever. We all learned that when my 83-year old phenomenal mother, who hiked Mt. Rainer as many Tuesday’s as she was able, right up to a few months before her sudden death, when she literally stepped backwards, fell from a stroke, went into a coma and she was taken up to her eternal reward! Boom! Done! That sudden. That unexpected. It rocked our world. In the past 4 years, I’ve spent a great deal of time finishing up many projects that she never got finished. I’ve learned a great deal about procrastination! I do not want my family to have to face the prospect of what I’ve had to. I simply do not promise ANYthing for tomorrow, but I offer to do my best as soon as I am able. And, I follow through!

I’m not sure Ignatius would agree I’ve met ‘his’ standard, but I’m getting closer and at least aware of the times I want to put off difficult things. I’ve found, that in those times, there can be some great lessons in retrospection. While my mother did not finish the final grandson’s High School graduation afghan . . . a gift she had made for 24 other grandchildren, she had been working on it the month before, but never finished it. “I’ll start back on it after Christmas”, she promised. But she had her stroke on Dec. 27th. Since I am able to crochet and she had the pattern and yarn and I love my nephew, I was able to finish it for her/for him. He was so thrilled to get it, made by both of us. So, there can be a gift hidden in procrastination, but it would have been so nice for her to have finished the final afghan for the final grandchild.

I’m my mother’s daughter! I’ve go soooo many projects in storage, that I’ve not finished, but I’ve redirected my life towards one of more service to others. I’ve really tried to write that letter I’ve been putting off, because I got notice that a dear friend passed away with a letter of hers to me still awaiting a reply. I simply do not want a life of things unfinished! If I get a thought to get slippers for my friend in an assisted living home, I do it right away, now! And I add another little something special to brighten what must be long and dreary days. I’m sure I could do more, and/or better, but I think I do ok. And, I really do try to live as though this is the only day I have. Truth is, I may not live to see the end of it. When that day comes, I hope the compassionate things got done and the rest will not matter anyway. All I strive for now, is for whatever I do, whenever I do it, that it will bring me closer to hearing, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” when my journey is over!